Ruts' Poetry :) :) :)

My sister writes poems and has kindly (:D) allowed me to put them up on the blog here...so here goes...

 
FREE FALL

I’m standing on plain ground out here
I’m just an insignificant girl.
Yet every time I stand like this
I feel on top of the world.

It doesn’t look like I am moving
I seem rooted to the spot.
But I feel like I’m in free fall.
It’s an illusion, just a thought.

And when the wind blows through my hair
I feel free without a care
It’s like the world’s in sync with me
I’m free falling through the air.

Maybe coz I’m just one person
There’s no real difference I can make
But when I’m free falling, I’m flying
I leave a trail of happiness in my wake.

UNTITLED

The darkening clouds hang overhead,

All my prospects seem so bleak

Water pours incessantly

Heaven's pipes have begun to leak!

At times it seems, it's not a leak

It's like there ARE no pipes at all...

For there is no steady drip drip drip,

It's a downright waterfall!

I know they TRY to repair it

For it stops from time to time.

But their efforts are miserable; puny at best,

Their plumbers not worth a dime!

It's at times like these that I feel so sure

Heaven can't be all that great...

I mean no place with such horrible plumbing

Is going to find me knocking on its gate.

UNTITLED

When I lie on my bed each night
Sometimes I suddenly think of you
Then I smile to myself and wonder
If you're thinking of me too.

I sit up and hug my knees
And think of how very nice it would be
If precisely at that moment
Your thoughts would drift to me.

I walk over to the window
And drink in the beauty of the night
I feel certain that I'm in your mind
Because everything seems so right.

There's something precious in that instant,
Something bewitching about the stars
It's a special magical moment
Because it's a moment that's just ours.

Rhuta Deobagkar

A rambling post...

Being at this particularly weird age, young yet not completely carefree...independent yet held by many invisible strings, is confusing indeed. I am to be responsible and grown up yet not a stuffy individual. How do I balance all this out? I live on my own, yet I donot have the freedom (or perhaps the desire) to be an isolated island. But I shall never ever be the bubbling life and soul of a group. It requires just too much effort and my inherent laziness revolts at the idea of such hardship. Does it always have to be extremes...this or that...always a matter of choices? Also I have been wondering whether I have really changed over a period of time, over a series of experiences or do I just like to pretend so?

Living on a campus as beautiful as this is an experience that I shall cherish forever, with the many blossoming friendships and the chance for personal growth. It is entirely up to me how closely inter-twined I wish to let these bonds become...keep everyone at arm's length or let them into my heart. Perhaps it is the many hours spent in company and the unending conversations that build up this impression of closeness...it is perhaps all a mirage. Everybody is finally looking out for themselves...no one cares when it comes to the crunch. Each person is trying to reach for their best under the given circumstances. That is not to say that anybody is out to hurt you specifically but someone else's best may be the worst for you.

Is that too pessimistic...cynical? I would like to think it is a journey towards realism. Perhaps that's all growing up means...that you dream but know that dreams hardly ever come true and that magic shall only be for yourself...for your imagination...it does not exist in the real world. Out here all anybody cares for is the end result...have you succeeded or failed? The journey never matters.

I have been told over and over again for quite some time now that I am too trusting, too impressionable, too optimistic and lost in my own world, my dreams, my beliefs and I would just laugh it off and think that people were not ready to look at all the beautiful things out there. But do any of these apparently magical, beautiful things matter? Are they even worth noticing? All these years I have been a naive young fool to believe that it is the process, the people you meet along the way, the million different hues you chance upon, the actual journey that matters the most. But then there are times when you wholeheartedly doubt all that you have trusted your entire life. Disillusionment is good, because it lets you pause and think. Take a break, learn many things all over again just with a different perspective.

I guess all these thoughts, doubts, beliefs, questions and answers are always there fluttering within me. Sometimes a few rush to the fore, sometimes others do but do I ever get anything new from the world or am I constantly regurgitating the same old questions and just trying to come up with different combinations of answers? What is one supposed to do when melancholy strikes with such vengeance for no apparent reason? Even the crashing rains and the thunder and lightening outside cannot wash this mood out. It has become a constant companion lately, sucking the joy out of the little everyday happenings that I used to go ga-ga over. Do I even want to let go? It is a different experience...to not be constantly happy...how boring that seems now. May the questioning continue...mayhaps this then is to be the new phase.

Bits and Pieces...

I'd call a place pure paradise

where families are loyal and strangers are nice,

where the music is jazz and the season is fall.

Promise me that or nothing at all.

--- Maya Angelou

You came into my life
Quietly, Simply, Placidly
And my words stood still...

---Lorelei Pablo

Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high
There's a land that I heard of, once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

25 bits of Random stuff...

1. I have a huge writer's block currently and am unable to think of stuff about me that I might wish to tell the world. Yet I plod along...for lack of anything else even mildly interesting enough to do...So here goes...a heroic effort :)

2. I love to read...everything from science fiction to adventure stories to biographies to romance and classics. At times it seems like if only I have a book I shall never need to meet another real live person. I meet many within those pages and also visit so many places and situations that it seems to me like a parallel universe it is that I inhabit!

3. Ah! But I do wish to travel in real life too! Go see Europe and visit tiny little villages and look at old mysterious places, each with a quaint little story of its own. I wish to meet people from all those far off places and find out what I have in common with them and yet what makes us distinctive, different.

4. Someday I hope to teach small children. Not just as a "social responsibility" but because I love small kids and their inquisitive minds and their unbridled enthusiasm.

5. I love words.

6. I adore chocolates...the darker the better. I love the bewitching smell, the smooth texture, the intoxicating flavour and the amazing feeling you get when a piece of chocolate starts to just melt on your tongue!

7. I hope to see a live wild tiger face to face. But perhaps shall do that as the last thing in my life :D

8. I like to just go on unplanned trips...wander through small shops, tiny little second-hand stores and through back-alleys and open markets.

9. I can be very stand-offish and silent when I meet you the first time. Take ages to get talking. But then there is always the chance that once I get started, I may never stop.

10. I love playing cards and am pretty fiercely competitive about that.

11. I love the moon and rain and the seashore and the sound of running water.

12. I have always been and remain a rather adamant person and nothing you say shall make me budge if I am not convinced.

13. The person I love best in the world is my little sister.

14. Endless, madcap conversations and huge steaming cups of coffee are my definition of an almost perfect weekend. Throw in all my dearest friends...and that is heaven indeed. Arguments, gossip, mindless chatter...hardly matters what!

15. Ok. This is getting more and more difficult. Random suddenly seems like a word with a very narrow scope!

16. I was always a plump kid. And I remain so. Not a kid but the other part applies.

17. As a child I hated learning the multiplication tables and till today have never been able to "know them all by heart". I always need to stop, think and calculate!

18. I have trouble accepting anything on blind faith. I envy people who have that kind of faith. It perhaps makes life much easier.

19. My mom had told me a story about a guy who built a house right over a stream. I would like to build one like that too...right on the slopes of a gentle hill along a path that leads down to a river.

20. My sister once said that our dad is the world's best sandwich maker. I second that. And he makes the best scrambled eggs and tells the most hilarious stories too!

21. Once upon a time I loved to paint. Lately I seem to have forgotten that.

22. People and places, especially from bygone eras, fascinate me...discovering their stories is almost a passion.

23. Am glad that I am nearing the end of the tag. I find it very difficult to write to order. But am an avid letter writer. I love to receive letters too. There is incredible joy in seeing your name on an envelope :)

24. Am a rather lazy person and am amazed that I have managed to stick to this tag-writing/completing whatever process. It is a rare event indeed!

25. I love surprises and puppies and fluffy clouds and my dearest friends and jungle sounds and the smell of freshly baked bread and old movies and new ones. Hopefully #25 was atleast a little random!

48 hours and still counting...

There is something incredibly exhilarating about being so completely exhausted and tired that my brain is kind of disconnected with the rest of me! At times I can go on for a couple of days without sleep, but there definitely has to be strong enough motivation for me to miss out on sleep. It can be an extracurricular activity that I am doing for myself or the short but sweet time spent with friends doing crazy things like playing cards late into the night and then going to bed only after having seen the moon set, the sun rise and with a hot cup of coffee warming me or gazing at the stars as they seem to move across the dark night sky and even at times an experiment which just cannot be planned in a more sane manner. So such late nights or rather early mornings and unending sagas of sleep deprivation would normally be expected to make a person cranky, prone to mood swings and basically depressed. In my case I seem to notice that I do pass through the above-mentioned phases but then I reach that point beyond which nothing seems to impinge; its like all my inhibitions are lowered, I say stuff and am a lot more outspoken than normal. And the best part is I am aware that I am behaving differently but well, I couldn't care less! It makes me wonder if perhaps this is what happens when one is just slightly, pleasantly drunk. Someday, I intend to find out :D !!!

Anyway, as I was saying, it is a great feeling to test my limits and to see how long and how far I can stretch myself before collapsing entirely. Most call me mad, think I am not careful enough. But the fact of the matter is, at times it is the best choice I can make. While I am still young enough to be able to handle this, while I am still resilient enough is the very time to try out all this madness. Later I might be too old, too prim and proper, too 'grown-up' to even consider going days without sleep or getting so tired that if I just stop in the middle of a sentence, I could fall asleep! 

So I say, live exactly the way you wish to while you still have the freedom to do so. Do all the crazy wild stuff you might have dreamed about, all the supposedly irresponsible things you have always wanted to do and all the "living it king-size", while you are still young and able enough. You never know what tomorrow holds...so live entirely for today...and enjoy it to the fullest...and never regret it as long as each one of your decisions are wholeheartedly yours!