Step back a bit, perhaps?

I never intended to write a post on anything even remotely connected to politics because I have never been able to become an all out follower or a hater. Can a rational person (and I like to think I am rational, more often than not) possibly be a blind believer, this way or that? It seems childish to see things as plain black or white when the muddy greys are all over the place. I must agree though that I have been amused (or is it just embarrassed?) by some of the statements attributed to a certain scion of a political party in my country. It reiterates for me that politics in today's world needs brains. Power or connections alone shall not suffice unless supported by intelligence, charisma and at least the semblance of a vision. Monetary backing is a given in these circumstances. If one dreams of being able to govern well, then unfortunately, politics is the way to get there. Accept the fact that a prerequisite to offering good governance is that one needs to get elected. And more often than not, in order to get elected, one needs to play dirty. Anybody who claims they have a clean record are just plain deceiving themselves. Everybody who wades into the political minefield needs to accept that they shall have to make their own sweet deal with their conscience and/or their own gods/demons. So, let's step off the idealistic high horse and get real.

I am proud that ours is a democratic country. Democracy, especially when it comes to billions, has its pitfalls, but these are by far outweighed by the advantages. It is true that a lot more work needs to be put in to make the democratic process cleaner and more fair. However, once someone has been elected via a fairly democratic process, shouldn't they be given a chance to perform? For the last many months, I have been aghast by the irrationally strong responses put forth by individuals who I would have normally expected to stop and think first. Just as sheer blind faith is to be frowned upon, blind hatred and prejudice is also to be guarded against.

Sometimes I wonder whether all those who spout self-righteous judgement really have the right to sit in said judgement when they are unable to give their elected representative even a chance. See, even if we personally didn't vote for the person who has been elected, the fact that we are part of a democracy means that they are our representative. We don't have to stand aside if atrocities are committed or stay silent when we encounter injustice. We have the right to put forth our concerns but to outright spew propaganda of any sort is not rational behaviour. Do we even realise that by the sheer unwillingness to stop and listen and think for a bit, we are actually invalidating and weakening our own argument? There is much that needs to be done regarding true freedom and justice in our country. There is much that needs to be done for equality and our voice needs to count in this matter. But in order to be heard and be counted, perhaps we need to be able to step back and stop shouting. Anarchy may seem attractive but it shall only lead to more chaos. Perhaps we need to learn to speak up without screaming out allegations. Perhaps we need to grow up a bit. Just step back a bit. Once the crazy noise dies down then the voices of sanity shall hopefully prevail. And amidst the silence voices that speak up quietly may deliver a louder message, one of truth and justice and a free people. I have hope, I think I may even have faith, in the wisdom of a people that have flourished for so long. In the strength of a people that shall learn to not let prejudice cloud their judgement. I have hope for my country, that we shall not forget to be good human beings while we are busy being politically active social activists and/or avid followers. I have faith. Or do I?

To lie or not to lie, that is the question.

Trust. The loss of trust is often the single most important stumbling block in any relationship. Isn't it important for you to be able to trust the people in your life? This means that you need to have the ability to trust and those you trust should be able to garner it and live up to it. You need to be able to trust your family, your friends, your lover, your partner, your colleagues, in one way or another. You need to be able to believe that they will not betray you or your trust and this has to be a two way street with both parties willingly involved.

Sometimes, small little lies spring up out of a desire to avoid conflict. We call them white lies and, more often than not, we do so to appease ourselves. If it is really a 'harmless' little white lie, then wouldn't it be better to just air it out in the open rather than keeping it hidden and having to cover up your tracks carefully. No matter what kind of lie, the fact that this lie is out there means that there has been a breach of trust. Plus, telling one lie to one person often means that there exists the danger of another person, who is in on your secret, spilling it out into the open. Again, trust issues. What hurts more than the fact that somebody is hiding something from you is the fact that they felt the need to do so. Loss of faith in another person is a tragic thing indeed! It brings along disillusionment, it raises doubts and strains relationships. Nothing hurts as bad as being lied to. Nothing hurts as bad as being betrayed.

Commitment to the truth, no matter how painfully difficult, and clarity of communication can often nip most problems and misunderstandings in the bud. However, we are all complex beings. In fact, the ability to lie knowingly and willingly is believed to be a very human trait. Some people are habitual lie-tellers. They tell the most fantastic lies cheerfully, without flinching and without remorse. Then there are others who fidget, sweat, get nervous while concocting even the simplest of lies. Remember Joey who can't lie and his racoon-tales? I understand that life is not really about black and white, there exist myriad shades of grey in between. As has been said, this world is a mirage, "Maya", all a lie within a lie within a lie, ad infinitum, and the purpose of human life is to try and decipher the truth hidden within. How about owning up today to one lie you have told or lived? Try it and you shall love how much lighter and happier you shall feel :)

A matter of blind faith.

Oh the times when I wish that people would stop and think before they take anything and everything on faith, blind faith! Rational faith of some sort, in something, might perhaps be an anchor for some people. However, each of us is born with a brain capable of rational thought. Yet, many of us choose to spend entire lives following somebody else's thoughts, or as they call them 'teachings'. We are all blessed with dreams, thoughts, logic and an innate sense of that which is right. Add to this the fact that we, as humans, have the benefit of having parental care for a major part of our young lives. So we ought to grow into beings capable of identifying the irrational and the illogical, of discriminating between right and wrong, even when some supposedly great godly person insists on telling you what it is right and which is the only correct path of life. Not that we are perfect. Of course we are flawed. We shout, we scream, we get angry. But then that is perfect too, because it allows us to be human. Because it ensures that we learn to love, and be kind and to listen for ourselves, not as a consequence of another person telling you that this is the way to be!

Each of us must have distinctly individual paths in life. How can we allow another human being to tell us what is proper for us? Aren't we, or at least the people closest to us (friends and family), best suited to decide such things for ourselves? How can we equate another person's words to gospel, as if he or she is, in fact, god? In fact wouldn't that be blasphemy of sorts?  In fact, how can a person who is truly learned and wise ever want to be adulated and revered as god? Only people who perhaps don't understand life, who just want to be lauded as godly or saintly would encourage or allow other fellow human beings to think of them as greater than the common masses.Whether or not you believe in the existence of a god as an all-powerful being is an entirely different issue. There are those that believe that god is perhaps all that is good and beautiful around you. The goodness of people, the beauty and wrath and awe of nature, the intricacy of all the biological processes that keep you alive, the imperfect perfectness of evolution - any or all of these could be that which is named god. A very personal issue. A very delicate issue.

However, isn't allowing another human being to take the form of this personal, private, delicate matter, completely irrational? Especially when that person has not lived your life, has no real idea of your peculiar personal problems and difficulties. How can we accept that there is a standard one-shoe-fits-all approach to life's problems? There can not be a universal solution to human problems. Simply because we are a bunch of complex, diverse, crazy but unique individuals as a result of the myriad circumstances and situations that we have each inherited or encountered. Of course, we will all need advice. We will make mistakes and will need to be made aware of them. But being reduced to parroting out another's words as the only words of wisdom is an insult to a rational thinking human being. Accept only that which you believe is true, not something that some 'great person' has told you is the way of life. Because at the end of it, that person is going to live and die in his or her own unique way. In a way completely different from the story of your life. So please do stop to think, think deep and hard, before you let another person tell you how to live your life. It is truly the only life you shall have. Wouldn't you have rather lived it your way? At least at the end of it all, you wouldn't blame another for the life you led!

Not all those who hear can listen.

You know, there are so many people in the world who are always happy to share your happy moments with you. You can tell them the good news and can be assured of a smile in return, a pat on the back, even shared laughter. In fact, it is heartening to know how many people feel good for you, care for your joy and are ready to become a part of it.

But I realized that there are not really that many people in the world that you can have a major melt-down with. Those days when you want to rant at the world, bawl your heart out or just crib endlessly, till even you are irritated with yourself. Those days when you are feeling incredibly vulnerable, when even a glance could hurt you really bad. When you feel like you shall never succeed at anything or that you have hit the absolute pits. How many people in the world do you know that you can be your worst self with? People you can share your worst fears with? Most importantly, how many people who will listen, and listen well, and then love you just as much the next morning because, one awful day does not make you an awful person? And then I realized that these people must be simply awesome individuals. I mean, it must take someone special and strong indeed to listen to and see another person at his or her worst, lowest, crabbiest phase and then not judge them for having been that weak. I am lucky enough to have always had such wonderful people in my life. People who listened, because, more often than not, that’s all you need. You don’t need answers or advice or solutions. You can eventually fix your own problems, but it is the venting for which you need an audience. A silent audience, a receptive audience. A sympathetic, non-critical audience. Having put up my share of the dramatic my-life-is-a-tragedy performances, I hope to learn to be that kind of audience, some day. It shall be good to sit back and learn to listen kindly. It shall be good to learn to be silent and wise. Some day. Some lifetime. 

Are these really my thoughts?

Have you ever stopped to think, how many of your thoughts are really your own? Okay, let's modify that question, make it a little simpler. How many of your opinions are really your own? And I mean all kinds of opinions. About stuff that seems inconsequential, everyday, mundane. About all the profound stuff that you discuss as a passionate, to-be-revolutionary youngster. All those philosophical discussions and movie/music/random gossip. Just about any and every thing.

I lived my life believing in my individuality. Doesn't every one of us believe at some point or other in our uniqueness? Have you not had that moment when you thought you were special? That you had thought of something, the germ of an idea, that was especially yours? Those times of divine unawareness about one's place in the scheme of things. Or rather a skewed image of one's exalted status. Delusional, yes. But definitely confidence-inspiring. Those were times when I could have had (and often did have) an opinion on any and every single thing. And off course, it was a well-informed, well-read, rational person's unbiased opinion. Did I mention delusional?

And then the day dawned when I realized that so many of the things I heard myself say were things that my parents had said, or my teachers had said, or my friends had said or... I would have said that it was an earthshaking moment. But that would be putting it mildly. It is awful to find that your very definition of yourself (and yes, your thoughts do define you) is shaky, murky, lost in the voices and opinions of others. It is shocking, that realization. But essential too. Especially if you mean to grow up some day. And well, not a lot of us have a choice about the growing up. Life tends to make you do so anyway.

Anyway, since that day on, I have learnt to question. It makes me a non-believer, until I have believable proof. It makes me long to have faith, yes, blind faith. But it also leaves me knowing that most of my thoughts are really my own. Sometimes, another's opinions slips through. But then, it is all about living and learning. You see, so much of our childhood passes in trying to be like someone else that many of us never learn to be ourselves. I have decided to learn to be myself. The best myself I can be :)

The girl who reads :)

My sister, Rhuta, writes, and writes beautifully, at that. So here goes, a post from her ...

I love to read. I used to try to not let that define me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be known as ‘the girl with the book’. Surely there was more to me than that. But as the years passed, it struck me - what better description could there possibly be? Books are, in a word, magical - even when they’re not about magic. That girl with her nose buried in the book, she can never be one dimensional. There are so many aspects to her character, so much depth, so many things about her that you can only guess at. You might think she doesn’t have a life, you do not know how many she actually does! On the outside she may seem dull, boring, bookish - so to speak. Look a little closer and you might see that slight smile playing on her lips. Don’t you want to know what caused it? The secret is in those pages. Join her in them. Pick up a book! If you don’t have one handy, ask her if she has another. She usually will.

I am not defending myself, I’m trying to explain. Yes, I am the girl with the book. I’m trying to convey just how amazing it is to be that girl. I’m telling you why I wouldn’t want to be anyone else. It’s not because I can’t imagine being anyone else. Oh no! I have lived as so many characters in so many worlds that I can imagine being almost anyone. What I want is for you to experience what I have experienced, to share in the magic that these pages hold. I want your life to be enchanted, the way mine has been so far. I want you to at least give it a try.

If you ask me to pick between books past and books future, I don’t think I possibly could. There’s so much more to read and discover. So much joy to find! And at the same time there are all those stories in my past. Those books are my friends, they made me who I am today. I need the books I’ve read so far and all of those I shall read in the years to come. I relish the thought of coming across all those as yet unknown treasures. Unknown in the sense I know they exist but where and in what form, only time will tell.

The thing about books is they’re always there, waiting for you. I’m never lonely, even when I’m alone because I have them with me, always. If not in physical form, they’re there in my head. They’re a refuge, an escape, a haven. Nothing can compare to the comfort of curling up with a good book. It’s the simplest pleasure you can ever receive, and in my experience, the best. But don’t let me be the one telling you, come find out for yourself. Choose a book. Read.

It’s never too late to read a book. They don’t recognize age limits. Oh, you missed out on Winnie the Pooh? No harm done, pick up a copy now and you can casually walk into the Hundred Acre Woods. You see that door? It’s magical, it never closes. Anytime you feel like it, they’re there waiting for you, tireless and uncomplaining. They have so much to offer, give them a chance. Learn to love books and let them love you. As they have loved me for all these years. Make them a part of your world and they’ll make you a part of theirs. Embrace the joy of reading and no matter where you go, you will always be at home.

--- Rhuta Deobagkar

Life Lessons

I have gone through life believing I am lucky. Have tried to live life in the open wind and the sunshine. I have had a lovely life, full of the most beautiful people and times. Have believed in kindness and niceness and genuine goodness. Trusted with my heart and had faith, always.

Yet not everything is as lovely as it seems. The harsh light brings with it shadows and darkness. You chance upon people who can spoil everything, people you wish you didn't have to meet ever again. Have you met these blurry, shadowy, seemingly crazy, hurtful and self-obsessed people who refuse to grow up and face the world? They never bothered me before because I thought they were just in that bad phase and that they would change... because people are essentially nice. I have never believed that anybody is inherently mean or bitchy. I have never wanted to believe that any person is crooked within. It is just a bad time for that person. They seem to see a grey and glum world and perhaps decide that the world deserves a grey and glum person.

But the world is as it always has been. Real. Lively. Tough. But worth it. Every moment. And I wonder, why do I have to be understanding enough to wait for someone to see the truth? Wait while it hurts? A waiting I do not deserve. What for? For those who see a tainted world? For those who do not think before they speak or act and who do not see or value anything beyond themselves? How fair is this? Is it better to stay still and wait for this to pass? Should I smile and shrug it off or should I react?

I think I like my life better with its love and warmth and friendship. I choose to believe in that. I choose to let that, and that alone, be my truth, my reality.

And then, there shall be none...

The weird thing is that we go through life knowing it shall all end. The very fact that I exist implies that I shall cease to do so at some point in time.  And I am sure it is rather silly to live an entire lifetime being afraid of what is, after all, unchangeable! So, though I ought to acknowledge that I have only a finite period of time available to me, it never shall make any sense to fear this. Yet, we are all afraid.

So then I ask myself, if I am anyway going to die one day, and I am very well aware of the fact, what is it that I am so afraid of in my life? And you know what, the answers are many! I am afraid of pain, of not knowing, of loss, of uncertainty. Small little things, but each of them makes me fearful. There have been times, when I would have given anything for the absence of pain, physical or emotional. Other times I would give anything to hold on, to never let go. You might very well wonder what I know of pain and loss in my safe little world. And I must agree it is hardly an iota of the pain of millions of others. And yet, to me, my world revolves around my experiences, and I can only speak with reference to those.

I guess, at the end, it shall matter not whether we were afraid, but it shall matter whether we could live with our fears and yet be tremendously happy. 

All that is bright and beautiful...

When did we become so cynical? When did we stop believing in good endings and happily-ever-afters? When did our first reaction become a sarcastic snort and a sharp toss of the head instead of a smile and a twinkle in the eye? When did we stop wincing upon hearing about massive devastation or a minor loss?
Is it just me or has everybody around become a little tougher, a little harder and a lot less sensitive? We seem to take even major disasters in our stride, as if it is all but natural! Gory details do not seem to disturb us, nor do the sight of atrocities. We just casually flip the newspaper sheet aside or change channels or move on. We voice opinions volubly and knowledgeably and yet never seem to be really touched by the pain that is somebody else's life.
I do not know whether this is a kind of defense mechanism. Perhaps if we let everything affect us, we shall never be able to get on with the daily business of living. So letting it all flow over may seem like a good idea. It is when this becomes a habit and not just a temporary reaction, that it frightens me. Not letting something disturb you and being obviously nonchalant and flippant about it are completely different reactions. But does this mean that we have stopped believing in the good and the beautiful? Have we grown accustomed to everything being gray and dingy and dull and soulless? Or do we at least sometimes wish to see fresh colour around every corner and  look forward to warmth and brightness and life?
I so want to believe in goodness and beauty and justice and all things wise and wonderful. At times I just long for the strength to believe. All else shall fall in to place then. Or so I hope.

Old and new

Have you ever realized that to really accept something new and to make it part of you and your life, you need to let go of the old, at least for a while? You have to get to the point where the new is as much natural for you as the old. And this has to do with acceptance. It takes a lot of conversation with one self and others. It comes with the added baggage of guilt and feelings of disloyalty about all that shall be missed awhile. It is not easy. Trust me. Some heartache, a few tears and a lot of thought and will power are called for.
And surprisingly the new is something that you are looking forward to with all your being. It is exciting and promising. Yet it is frightening. The old is comfortable and warm and something you have gotten used to, till it has become second nature. They say moving on is part of life. But that is easy when you want to break off with the old. Moving on to the new while never cutting off all the strings that bind you to the old is mighty tough. 

At times it seems like all of life is a balancing act. You don't lose perspective and keep your focus on maintaining balance and all shall be well. The only problem is that you are not always lucky enough to have a broad beam to balance on, sometimes you need to walk on incredibly thin ropes... But in the end, it all seems worth the while and the pain and the laughter as long as some one is holding your hand along the way.

Moving Pictures

I am fascinated by cinema, by theatre and by books. Not necessarily always in that order. In fact a good movie or book can keep me away from so many 'more important' things in life. Do I regret it? Never! But this passion makes me ask myself what exactly is it about this often 'unreal' world that draws me?
I love movies, and I love deciding what is good cinema for me, not just what is supposed to be good cinema. Oftentimes, somebody else's idea of a great movie may not be the same as mine. That leads me to the question, what is it that we desire, expect, derive from watching a movie? Is it just the appreciation of another person's vision, creation? Is it for pure entertainment? Is it for education? Is it in order to be awed? Is it in order to lose yourself for a while?

What is it about a movie that appeals to you the first and the most? These may not be the same at all!
To me, the story is incredibly important. It does not have to always be going somewhere straightforward, or be life-changing or terribly profound and realistic. But it should have something, a moment perhaps that touches me and draws me in. Then the rest might be mundane but I am hooked! I do not understand direction, editing, cinematography and so on, so all I can say is a beautiful frame is definitely a plus, makes the experience more aesthetic but it is not a requisite for the movie-watching experience to be fulfilling. Of course, a brilliantly crisp story with all the correct ingredients can fall flat if the actors are wishy-washy. They need to be able to make me believe the characters they are playing. That's all. Sometimes actors are so into themselves that they never stop being themselves. That gets on my nerves. Also, special effects and action sequences never seem to impress me. So no dhishoom dhishoom for me!

I make no claims about being a highly evolved, discerning and knowledgeable movie-watcher at all. But I think that a movie that engrosses me, makes me want to be an onlooker of the scene unfolding, if not a participant is all that is essential to make me watch it in its entirety. Otherwise, I am sorry to say, I have grown to be a fan of the fast-forward button. Which explains how I get through 4-5 movies in one night.
Oh, and the trigger for all this unnecessary thought... the movie Ijaazat. I fell in love with it, all over again. Cried bucketloads, marveled about the strength of the roles written, Rekha's beauty, the poetry and the music, the non-judgemental treatment of the story! It almost breaks my heart to watch something like this and yet I choose to go through the experience again and again, because it feels like I live through all that the characters experience!

Is there a movie that made you want to stop everything else and just watch it endlessly? Over a lifetime, there may have been many, perhaps you could tell me about them :)

Constant Change

Change is supposed to make life more interesting. Change is necessary for life. Change is good. Change is the way of the world.

Seasons change and each one seems to enthrall me.

Winter with its bone chilling cold and the pleasures of snuggling under blankets or the stylish layering of colourful sweaters and scarves and hats. It brings along the Festival of Lights and heart-warming sweets and and the Christmas spirit and the New year.

And then, before you even know it, Spring has crept up upon you and the world is a riot of smells, flowers and colours and chirping birds and myriad shades of green everywhere you look! At times i wish i were a painter and could capture the feelings that arise within me and put them down on paper with just a brush-stroke!

Even while the birds are yet singing their songs and the flowers are still peeking out, Summer announces itself with its sweltering heat and constant sticky sweatiness and sweet, cold long drinks and ice-lollies and unending ice-creams and the squeaking of the fan spinning at full speed.

Summer showers remind me of the fact that there is yet an entire lovely season to look forward to. In India, we call it the Rainy season :) I simply rejoice in the rains. If i were a poet i could write something about the rains watering my soul and so on...
The dark grey clouds sweeping into the blue skies majestically, the expectant stillness of the air, the rolls of thunder and a stray flash of lightening and then the first sweet raindrops. How many of you have stood still and just spent a moment inhaling the scent of the first rains as they hit the dry parched earth? I am sure you will agree with me that it is perhaps one of the most enticing smells ever! And then the sheets of water cascade. The pitter-patter changes to relentless thundering and i wish that the seasons would never change...

I have often wished that i could willfully choose some changes and completely wish away others.

I love my life as it is right now, the predictability of certain things, the routine, the responses of the people in my life, the people themselves! We always take so many aspects of our lives for granted. The family we are born into, the places we have lived in, friends, home, the choices we made, the freedom to make those choices, our right to self-involvement, everything! But then i would never be able to experience the differences that the changes bring along, the new experiences. Twelve months of rain would perhaps bore me. It is the fact that winter and summer and spring and rain come and go that they seem so interesting. Like having something to look forward to. So here's to wishing for a lifetime of changes and the joy of looking forward to each as if it were a new adventure :)

This and that...

Here is a list of stuff I love, on either side of the or ...

Fireflies or fairy lights
Passionate moments or everyday romance
Succinct short stories or long engrossing novels
One bosom friend or many acquaintances
Everyday internet chats or a day of face to face silence
Saving face or letting go and laughing at yourself
Risking and losing all or safe no-risk ways
Long summery days or sweet winter nights
Joys of solitude or loneliness amongst crowds
Telling a lie to comfort or telling the truth and then offering your shoulder
Drenched in the rain or being dry under a shared umbrella

My favourite one, and currently the most difficult:
Hit the gym or grab the chocolate :D