Were you always this way?

You meet a person in a given situation and you see an aspect of them under those peculiar circumstances. It is then so easy to decide that this person is just what they appear to be to you, just exactly that... no more, no less.  They may appear kind and loving or calm and balanced or bitterly sarcastic or mind-numbingly boring or brilliant or modest or so on and so forth... ad infinitum. But you choose a set of characteristics and you apply them to said individual and that is it! But you forget, that these same people may be seen differently by others. They may actually be different with others. You may be missing out on the inner turmoil of a silent, apparently calm person. You may be missing out on someone's creativity just because your experience of them has been of the mundane. Or perhaps, you never expected them to be creative. So you never ventured to explore those aspects. You may never touch upon the seething resentment within the soul of a person who appears carefree. Or the deep-rooted romantic within a person who is apparently always strong and unemotional.

And worst of all, you pass your judgement. And then you rest the case. You don't stop to take a second look, or even a third one. You miss out on so much! Someone you think you know really well may actually appear a stranger to you if you ever saw them through another person's eyes. Or even through your own eyes, but without the curtain of expectations and preconceived notions. Don't you find that, oftentimes, perceptions are coloured by expectations? Do you think that sometimes you tend to judge too quickly? As if it makes life simpler to categorize people into sub-sections in your mind? And then, don't you lose out on the rich diversity that even that one person has to offer you? It is not easy to keep an open mind, to be non-judgemental. It means that you have to let go of your sense of self-importance. You have to step down from the pedestal that you placed yourself on. The one from where you gave yourself the right to pass judgement about others. To say that someone is mean, to say that another is an idiot, or someone else is selfish. Yes, everybody is flawed. And unluckily, perhaps, you have been exposed to all their unique flaws. But surely, each one of us is more than just the sum of our flaws? There is some good in every person. And sometimes, do you stop to think whether you bring out the worst in another person? Perhaps, they think the same about you? Perhaps... perhaps... perhaps.

If you just take the risk and decide to look at one other person in your life from a different perspective, you may discover a hidden poet or an angst-ridden soul or a hilariously wicked sense of humour that sends you into absolute fits of laughter. It takes a bit of trust. And some self-deprecation. Some letting go and some letting in. But its do-able. And then, even if you have just one friend, that friend may suddenly seem to be a different person. All the comfort of the known but flavoured with the excitement of the new. If only we were so brave...

An Ode to the Husband :P

Husbands are good fun I tell you. Not like I have so much experience, but the one I have is simply fabulous! He presents an awesome win-win situation. I mean, sometimes I am caught wondering, is this guy my husband, is he my friend? You know, all that social and cultural conditioning kicking in, with the husband being the guy that one is supposed to treat with excessive awe and respect, bordering on reverence. A friend, on the other hand, is an absolute equal. But then, that's not fair. With my parents as examples, I always knew friendship was an essential component of the soul-mate concept. How does it matter anyhow? He is the guy with whom I choose to live my entire life and he is also the guy who is, today, my best-est friend.

I can go days on end without communicating with most of the rest of the world. But he always knows, perhaps unfortunately for him, everything that's happening in my life. Obviously, this means that he gets all the cribbing and the bitching, the oh-so-depressed lows, the bubbling highs, the furiously flaming tirades against all the idiots in my life. He gets all the chatty commentaries and the monologue-like conversations. He also has to deal with my "I am always right, so if you want to be right, you have to agree with me completely" dictatorship mode. He has to carefully make his way through the myriad, disconnected and apparently random topics I choose to discuss (in a monologue-like manner, obviously). He also has to fight to get a word in, because if he does not say anything, of course I am going to assume that he is not paying attention. And that can be rather fatal, albeit temporarily. But he has survived two whole years of all this madness. And has still remained relatively sane.

The last two years have been crazy fun, brimming with moments that shall be forever etched in my memory. The frantic adventures involving trains, buses and air-crafts that often threatened to leave without us, the leisurely journeys to snow-clad mountains with their quaint hill-towns and to the sea and the family, the stolen moments and the audacious plans. All of this crammed into a few days, snatched out of these two long years. The years were long, because they were spent mostly apart. And yet, it is in the course of these two years that I discovered my husband. To borrow from a cliche, my "Friend, Philosopher, Guide."

This is a toast to all those happy coincidences and the many twists and turns that have brought us to this moment. And a toast to all those moments to come, that shall be always drenched in laughter and happiness and togetherness. Lots of Love!

Yippee!!!

IISc Marathi Mandal rocks at the Ganeshotsav One-act play Competition organized by Maharashtra Mandal, Bangalore!
We had put up a play at the Competition this year (16th September 2010). It was the first time we participated at this event.
There were five of us on-stage and an incredibly awesome team back-stage and it was a seriously thrilling, exhilarating experience!
And like dark-chocolate-mouth-watering icing on a super-delicious cake, we won the top prizes in all categories except script-writing since that we had borrowed (though it was wholeheartedly modified a lot with creative inputs from Anirudha, Anup, Shantanu, Pramod and poetic contributions from Amrut). Three cheers for the original script writer though!

1. Best Drama (One-act play) - Artificial Intelligence
2. Best Director(s) - Anirudha and Anup
3. Best Actor (Male) - Anirudha
4. Best Actor Runner-up (Female) - Jahnavi
5. Best Supporting Actor (Male) - Anup
6. Best Sets/Background - Madhumita, Nivedita, Vishal, Siddharth, Atul, Bharat, Nagraj
7. Best Sound/Music arrangement - Abhijit, Shantanu, Amrut, Harshawardhan, Siddharth
8. Best Light arrangement - Ravi

This has been one of the "funnest" times ever! Hip Hip hooray!
आवाज कुणाचा? आय. आय. एस सी.चा!

Saying it right

When you decide to say sorry, it only makes sense to do so if you do it right. That is, you realize you have completely messed up and you need to apologize big time, but if you do it in a half-hearted fashion, or with conditions attached, then it is absolutely pointless!

I have met people who have said their sorrys even while stressing (ok, perhaps just hinting) that they are still in the right and that they have the complete and full right to mess up, yet are saying the words because it is the expected thing. Back off! You just don't have to say sorry that way. It is useless. It makes no one feel any better. You are still upset because you think the situation is forcing you to apologize and  you are not making the other person feel any better since they can always tell your feelings are not genuine! So it is far far better to just shut up, get over the hurt feelings either way and then come back later and say a real sorry that you mean and that comes from your heart. Not one to save your face or just patch up or just because somebody else thinks you should say so.

And mind you, it is not easy to let yourself become so vulnerable and actually be able to get those words out. I think if you can't do it right face to face, it is perhaps an option to show just by your actions that you have realized your mistake and want to make amends. That gives the other persons some time to think too. But whatever the situation, the very minute you realize you are actually in the wrong and you have been able to at least see the other perspectives, you ought to make those amends really quick. Like asap! It makes you feel a whole lot lighter, better, happier :)

Hello Hi Goodbye!

So many people. 
So little time. 
So much to say. 
Silence divine.

Old friends, old expectations...
Changed people, broken promises.
Some laughter, a little sorrow.
Everything shall be gone, by tomorrow.

Why is it so difficult
to say I miss you?
Why is it easier
to pretend you love the new?

Goodbyes were already said.
So why did you return?
To haunt me and taunt me.
To laugh as my heart burns.

Partings were never easy
But they get harder every time.
And yet meeting once more seems far better
than to part for ever and ever this time.

Forgive the bad rhyme, but prose just sounded way more stilted and trite than this. There have been so many goodbyes, so many "catch-you-laters" in the last year or so that one might think that it shall get easier the next time. But it just gets worse. And I know that there shall be many more in the years to come. Still, a thousand goodbyes are way better than to never meet all these people again. Love you guys!

'Ek Gypsy ahe majhya khol manaat dadoon'

It has been an interesting few days now. First, it was lovely to be with family after a long, long time! Lucky me :) The only one missing was R but guess no matter the time between our meetings, we shall never have problems of communication and shall never lose that special something we have between us. What say, little miss?

In some ways, going back home makes it easier to let your hair down. You realize that you do not have to always be all grown up and proper. You can be silly and childish, and even terribly temperamental and lazy for a lil while. Laughing over silly old jokes, remembered embarrassing moments, even teasing aai and ganging up on her is fun. Unexpected, but even being scolded by the parents is something I have missed. Just knowing that these are people who are not going to bother whether I get mad or not, but are still going to scold me and put me to rights coz they care for me is enough to make me fall in love with them all over again! It is nice to know I can always go back, that no matter what happens in my life, there shall always be a place to go back and rest and recharge.

Another reason why the last few days have been so different for me is the incredibly unexpected experiences I have had. Discovering so many little things about myself, getting to know new people, interesting ones, even hoping for the beginnings of new friendships... Its been a time for jumbled thoughts jostling for space, tons of self-doubts, indecisiveness (more because the enormity of the decisions frightens me even though my instinct tells me that my decisions shall be right), and yet a time for beautiful moments. A time that I know I shall never regret, perhaps even shall cherish :) And another good thing is that I started reading poetry again. For a while in between I had forgotten about that. Read Mangesh Padgaonkar's "Gypsy" all over again and realized that some things never change, I still love that particular poem. Hence the title for this post.

Saying it Silently...

I was in the car, next to my sister, on the way to the airport and both of us were sitting quietly, each deep in her own thoughts. The minutes were ticking along, yet neither uttered a word. And then it struck me that between us was a special type of silence... not uncomfortable... perfectly companionable and funnily enough so much was being said, communicated without a word or a sound. Brain waves perhaps? Partings have always been difficult for us and knowing that we may not meet for more than six months was weighing heavy on our hearts. Yet some things should not be said aloud... they lose their significance and dignity then. In fact, some things are better said in silence.

Silence is a funny thing... how does one perfectly describe it? As absence of sound? Or does it have a positive definition of its own? Sometimes silence is warm and light-filled. Between lovers when nothing need be said, between friends when everything has been said umpteen times... those silences are beautiful and vibrant. They donot leave you wracking your brain for something to say. They are complete.

Then there are those silences where strangers meet and are ill at ease, perhaps because they pick up the wrong vibes, perhaps because they have confidence issues... or because they discover that in reality they have nothing meaningful to say. Not that all conversations have to be or are meaningful, but at times even small talk is painful. And so the silence is like a gaping valley... deep and yet empty.

But the worst kind of silence is when people actually want to say something, they know exactly what they want to say yet are unable to get the words out. Fear, the risk that once the words are out there you cannot call them back, fear that everything will change forever... that is what keeps this silence unbroken. And this can be painful both for the person who wants to say stuff and the person who knows that something needs to be discussed out in the open, aired, gotten over with and yet the situation festers on till it becomes uncomfortable and drives people apart. These are the silences I hate, the ones that can destroy friendships, tear apart relationships and leave a mess behind.

Silence and speech are both double-edged swords... each can be used to hurt and each can in turn soothe and mend the hurt. Be careful!

My Secret in Silence

- Lorelei Pablo

You came into my life

Quietly, Simply, Placidly

And my words stood still...

I couldn't express in words

Or even simple gestures

The secret I kept in my heart.

So I loved in silence

Admired you from a distance

Dreamt of you afar.

I wanted to say I love you...

I wanted to say i care.

But cowardly, maybe, you'll laugh at me.

In silence then I will love you...

In silence then I will care...

Shades of Grey...

Its weird, but growing up is not easy at all. Everything just gets more and more complicated as you grow up. And I don't say this because I meet so many more people as the years pass by, but because when I was young everything was just either black or white, good or bad...there were no in-betweens. And then suddenly one day, I encountered all these greys in between...and not of a single tone but of various hues...dark, light, lighter and so on. 

I remember, when I was younger I either liked a person or not; I was never confused over the issue. Now it is not so often that I meet a person I like completely. There is always something that I wish could be changed. I know...one is supposed to be all mature and kind and be able to accept the faults and the charms...but it is difficult at times.

At times, you talk to and are friends with people that you are not a hundred percent sure you like. More often than not, this is because you are part of a larger circle of friends and it may lead to too many problems if individuals decided to be unfriendly within the group. So you adjust and pretend but all along you know you are not being true. Now the question is, is it better to go along with this pretence since it is not outright hurting anyone else or is it better to be honest and upfront about your attitude? Anyway, even if you are a fine actor and have managed to hide your semi-dislike (or the feeling of being uncomfortable), your actions or words may unknowingly give away your real feelings! And that is even worse, because the other person may be more hurt that way. It might be better to be straightforward and agree to be cordial but without the entire show about being "all good friends in the group"!!! 

This brings me to another point...the grey shades in everyday life. As a child I was always told that the truth is the ultimate and that lies were a big "no-no". And for a long time, all around me in my small world were truthful so there were no conflicts...but out here in the real world absolute truth is uncommon. Things are true from different perspectives...and all these perspectives hardly ever match up. So telling small little lies and "slightly" bending the truth are all accepted as part of an honest person's makeup. When do you make this distinction between being honest and being a cheat? I agree that living in an idealistic world will never take us anywhere in the realistic world's point of view...but surely we must be able to define a boundary between the truth and a lie. Or is this forever to be a dependent upon the people involved, the circumstances and the consequences? Can there ever be an absolute definition?