Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Shades of Grey...

Its weird, but growing up is not easy at all. Everything just gets more and more complicated as you grow up. And I don't say this because I meet so many more people as the years pass by, but because when I was young everything was just either black or white, good or bad...there were no in-betweens. And then suddenly one day, I encountered all these greys in between...and not of a single tone but of various hues...dark, light, lighter and so on. 
I remember, when I was younger I either liked a person or not; I was never confused over the issue. Now it is not so often that I meet a person I like completely. There is always something that I wish could be changed. I know...one is supposed to be all mature and kind and be able to accept the faults and the charms...but it is difficult at times.
At times, you talk to and are friends with people that you are not a hundred percent sure you like. More often than not, this is because you are part of a larger circle of friends and it may lead to too many problems if individuals decided to be unfriendly within the group. So you adjust and pretend but all along you know you are not being true. Now the question is, is it better to go along with this pretence since it is not outright hurting anyone else or is it better to be honest and upfront about your attitude? Anyway, even if you are a fine actor and have managed to hide your semi-dislike (or the feeling of being uncomfortable), your actions or words may unknowingly give away your real feelings! And that is even worse, because the other person may be more hurt that way. It might be better to be straightforward and agree to be cordial but without the entire show about being "all good friends in the group"!!! 

This brings me to another point...the grey shades in everyday life. As a child I was always told that the truth is the ultimate and that lies were a big "no-no". And for a long time, all around me in my small world were truthful so there were no conflicts...but out here in the real world absolute truth is uncommon. Things are true from different perspectives...and all these perspectives hardly ever match up. So telling small little lies and "slightly" bending the truth are all accepted as part of an honest person's makeup. When do you make this distinction between being honest and being a cheat? I agree that living in an idealistic world will never take us anywhere in the realistic world's point of view...but surely we must be able to define a boundary between the truth and a lie. Or is this forever to be a dependent upon the people involved, the circumstances and the consequences? Can there ever be an absolute definition?

14 comments:

shilpa said...

Interesting post...I think as we grow older we think about things a lot more than we used to..sometimes we tend to over analyze them!
I guess as we age..we form stronger perceptions of ourself as an individual and therefore what we like and don't

vishal said...

waaah !! jaaamch awadya blog :)
ya..the point u made is very true n question u have asked/posed is also perfect...we all face such a situation in some form or the other.
Still in my opinion there is one more dimension to it.We have our opinions based on watever experiences we have in our life .So we may feel discomfort with some friend for some reason but still on absolute scale we can not judge any person or can not take clear stand of being either with / against him/her.In a group of friends the difference in opinions /discomforts can be there.But that may not mean that on absolute scale either u r good/bad friend.It is just that till now u did not gell well with that friend. So as your blog says ultimate thought tat comes to mind is humans are so diverse in nature that these shades of gray have almost infinite values n ultimately the more we grow more we get exposed to these shades n more we have sweet/bitter experiences.

nice blog....keep blogging ! :)

Mukta said...

@ shilpa
Yes, I do believe that the tendency to analyze a situation to the very end does creep in over a period of time. It is as if the ability to accept things at face value is slowly lost. Sad, huh?

@ vishal
Thanks! Ha point ekdamach sahi ahe...mala ekhadi vyakti kashi vatate hey mazya experiences varach avlambun ahe. Mhanje kahi ti vyakti vait ahe asa nahich mhanate mi...pan dusryashi asleli confort level hi mahatvachi ahech na! ani tashi nastanahi maitri mhanun tikvun thevne kitpat barobar asa prashna...

Suneel Madhekar said...

Well, life definitely gets complicated as one grows up. As you said, truth ceases to be an absolute virtue. As you rightly say, one slowly understands that, in reality, truth is a pliable object, that can be hidden, bent, manipulated or destroyed. Conscience is a subjective matter and cannot be measured. Truth-hood, or false-hood are dependent on the context. This lack of dichotomy or clarity is a consequence of the imperfection of human nature. It arises because of the willingness to compromise larger good, for personal gain. And, unfortunate though it might be, that is how it is!

Kedar Champhekar said...

We also have to lie sometimes to save someone from pain, or worry. Is this lying then good or bad?

Also there are friends with whom we are comfortable doing certain things and not comfortable doing certain other things, we want the presence of such people selectively.

heliophile said...

Though good and bad are difficult to define from global perspective i.e. something which is acceptable to all; you can always be sure from your point of view of what is good and what is bad. Listening to your consciousness (which is formed by your principles) blocking all prejudices will lead one to one's definition of good and bad. You know, you can try this: When you are confused is something good or bad, go on asking yourself asking a series of questions decomposing the original problem into small cases. Disregard the context for a moment. Do it ruthlessly and finally you'll know whether it is good or bad from your local perspective disregarding the context.

Local (personal) good/bad and situational(contextual) good/bad are different things. I prefer to call situational good/bad as expediency though it is slight distortion of meaning of expediency. And since you are in someway dependent on others as a social animal, you always face the calculation of the exact compromise between expediency and personal good/bad.

PURN!MA said...

You are so right, Mukta! We all were better off when we were kids. Less complications in judging a character.

I think it's not just the perception of others in our minds, but more of our own identity. We, as an individual get more accustomed to where we stand, what we like/ dislike, what we approve or disapprove that makes us so judgemental. Basically, that is the cionflict I face... wondering whether it's my outlook or the others' that I need to relook.

And it is situational too. Bending the truth slightly seems very logical when you see it from a different angle (and mostly when you are convinced of the same)

20 somethings and we say this. M sure it shall change when we are 30 somethings.

Lovely post.

Cheers

Arun said...

hey...read your blog today for the first time... and enjoyed it a lot :-)

Mukta said...

hey Arun!
Thanks :)

vindy said...

well well well !! I wonder how I missed this post...Anyway, better late than never. Very nice, sensible and true post, really..
The point is that we are faithfully taught things which don't exist in this world in the real sense...that's where the conflict arises I guess. Or should I say, we seldom follow what we are taught simply because we are apprehensive about a hundred things and when somebody tries to, he finds the whole world against him...A rather frustating, defeating, enraging situation. Bookish knowledge which talks about the ideal behaviour is great for rhetoric, but seldom put to practice because 'yahaan aise hi chalta hai'..Talking about relationships, we just start thinking a lot and forget about forgetting...Anyway, nice post again !

hydeous said...

First time visitor.
Nice post.

I've always been of the opinion that things like this - wondering about pretence, little white lies and moral grey areas - don't(or at least shouldn't) really matter too much.

By the way, What are you? You think(or at least write) idealist, and you act realist. What'd that make you? Bit of a grey area, isn't it? :P

Mukta said...

@ hydeous
idealism sounds good...feels good but have finally had it beaten into my head that the only way to survive is to try a touch of realism! grey areas galore!

Beashtu said...

Very nice post. I think a very enjoyable life is one where all aspects of your life are balanced. Extremes are always bad no matter what. Be it studying too much or playing too much or whatever. So trying to be totally ideal would probably remove the fun out of life. Idealism would have to compromised whenever the situation demands, in the process creating a balance between idealism and practicality. And I guess this balance is totally dependent on the person.

Soul Searchers said...

Just being aware of one's own reaction(s) and the core of your self will give insights into where to draw the line...